Boy was I wrong. Just another testament to the fact that this whole parenting thing is so unpredictable. I can’t believe how different it’s been than I imagined. I ended up turning into the lightest sleeper ever – even if Monkey would sigh, I would wake up! I was so aware of him and his presence, it shocked me. I never could have truly imagined the bond that happens between Mom and baby, until it happened to me. Getting sleep was tough in the beginning, and it was actually Brian that encouraged me to bring Monkey into the bed with us. So, I decided to do my research to make sure I was doing everything as safe as possible, and started bringing him into the bed for part of the night. Things immediately got so much easier.
Month One: For the first month, Monkey spent most of his nights in the Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper. He woke up every 2-3 hours to eat (and if he didn’t, I woke him per the pediatrician’s orders). I would feed him sitting up in bed, and then move him back to the co-sleeper. This was difficult because feeding him would loosen his swaddle, and when I put him back down he would startle himself awake more times than not. But, he also needed frequent diaper changes, so this was okay. He did have one or two 4-5 hour stretches during this time, and I remember those being heavenly. Naps were mostly in the Boba wrap, or in the swing.
Months Two – Four: As the first month came to a close, we got the okay from the pediatrician to start allowing Monkey to sleep longer stretches instead of purposely waking him up to feed. This is when things got a bit tough. Monkey seemed to sleep pretty well at the beginning of the night, but after his first feeding, I’d try to put him back in the co-sleeper and he would just squirm like crazy. This is also when his dairy sensitivity really started kicking in. He would toss and turn in pain ALL NIGHT long. It was miserable. He would hardly sleep in the co-sleeper after that first stretch unless my hand was on him all night. And then, I couldn’t really sleep. So, after that first stretch, I started to bring him into bed with me. That, coupled with me cutting out dairy really allowed for all of us to get more sleep. When Monkey squirmed, I could whip out the boob, nurse him and then I’d doze back off to sleep with him. This is when I learned just how in-tune I was to him! He started to sleep so much better! Even though he was still only sleeping 2-3 hours at a time, sometimes less…those small bursts would be much better than when he was squirming all night. So, we ended up spending about 1/2 the night in the co-sleeper and half in bed with me. Cool. Naps were still mostly in the Boba wrap or the swing, but they slowly started moving to our bed, too.
Months Four – Seven: Around the fourth month is when Monkey really started sleeping horribly. He started doing only 1 – 2 hours at a time overnight. For what seemed like FOREVER. He wouldn’t sleep well in the co-sleeper or in the bed. I started bringing him into the bed for the entire night because it was the only way that we’d get any sleep. And when I fed him, at least I’d be half asleep. I also started going to bed at the same time as him many nights…so like 7PM which allowed me to get more sleep. Still very broken, but at least I was getting more. Not going to lie, there were some mornings I woke up crying because I was so tired. Looking back, I should have asked The Husband for more help with bottle feeding. (Note to self…allow The Husband to bottle feed during the nights with the next kid!) But, I thought I could be super mom and declined his offers.
As we neared the seventh month, Monkey was a full-time co-sleeper. He was in the bed for naps, too. He wasn’t crawling, or really scooching around much at all, so I felt okay with leaving him in the bed for naps. He slept the best in the bed. We had a tiny house, so I literally just had to lean over from the couch to make sure he wasn’t moving. We also set up a video monitor. He never moved in his sleep though. (Now it’s a different story.) Monkey began sleeping 2-3 hour stretches – still no 4 or 5 hour stretches, but longer than an hour, so I was happy. Tired, but happy.
Months Seven – Nine: We moved from Portland to Michigan right around the eighth month. Monkey slept with us in all of the hotel beds, but when we got to Michigan I started to accept the fact that he was moving like crazy and honestly not sleeping that well with us…so I decided it might be time to try out the crib. At this point, he was only napping around 30 minutes, which was also a source of frustration. So, when we got to Michigan I started trying naps in the crib. Immediately he began taking (and is still doing) 1-2 hour naps. Sometimes even 3. I couldn’t believe it. I think he was just ready for some independence. This was bittersweet to me because I had really grown to love co-sleeping, but he’s growing up and if he’s not sleeping as well in bed with us, then it’s time to move on.
We decided to start putting him to bed at night in the crib and then move him into the bed after the first feeding. He’d do around 3 hours before waking, I’d feed him and then bring him into bed. Then he’d be up every 2-3 hours after that to feed. When I say ‘up’ I don’t mean completely awake, though, because he’s not truly awake. It’s more of a dream feed for 5-10 minutes, then he goes back to sleep.
Monkey one of the first times sleeping in a crib - this is a portable crib that he uses for naps
Present day: As of today, we are pretty much on the same schedule as the last two months; however, I’m starting to worry about the fact that he never really sleeps longer than three hours at a time. Is this unhealthy? We are currently trying to wean him off at least one of the night feeds to see if he’ll start getting some longer sleep stretches. For the last few nights, I’ve been feeding him before bed, putting him in his crib, and then he sleeps for around three hours. When he wakes up, I feed him again then put him back in the crib. At the next waking, Brian rocks him back to sleep and puts him back in the crib. When he wakes after that, I bring him in bed, feed him, and let him stay. This is working all right, but I’ve noticed two problems with this current situation…
Problem One: Monkey takes FOREVER to get to bed. It’s usually a minimum of 30 minutes AFTER I feed him. Sometimes it goes up to 90 minutes. I usually rock him, but I feel like I’ve tried everything – long gone are the days where he would fall asleep nursing. We start bed-time around 6:00 or 6:30 usually. He’s then asleep by 8 and then up around 6:30 or 7:00. I thought maybe we needed to push his bed time back, so I tried starting bed time around 7:30. Doing this, he was going to bed by 9:00 but still waking up at 6:30 or 7:00. Fail. What can I do to shorten bed-time? It’s getting pretty frustrating/tiring. Over the last week, I’ve implemented a nightly bath routine in hopes of creating some sort-of bed-time cue for Monkey. I didn’t really want to because I’ve heard it can dry out his skin, but I’m not using soap every night. Thoughts?
Problem Two: We’re trying to wean Monkey of those night time feeds, but the problem is…when The Husband rocks him to sleep after his second night waking (I feed him after the first) – he usually only sleeps for an hour…two tops. Then, I feed him. What can we do to stretch this out? The fact that he never sleeps longer than 3 hours makes me a bit nervous. Tips? Suggestions? I’d love to hear your stories!
Overall, I’ve been okay with our sleep situation for the most part (I mean – it’s not like he’s up for hours crying in the middle of the night), but I’m getting to the point that something needs to change. There’s nothing like waking up to that smiling face in the morning – BUT over nine months of perpetually being tired is starting to wear on me. Do I just need to wait it out and figure he’ll start sleeping longer stretches when he’s ready? Do we continue to try to wean him of his night feedings? This parenting thing sure likes to throw you some challenges, huh?
July 13, 2012
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Hi and welcome! I'm Jenny - a green living new momma, adoring wife, and MSU fan.
Oh I have been exactly where you are. I know what kind of exhaustion you are dealing with and it takes a toll on you.
I feel like you just wrote our story. My son was a great sleeper For the first month. Then it went down hill. He was also sensitive to dairy, so it got a little bit better when I cut that out of my diet. But then at some point he was waking up every hour. We refused to do the cry it out method, so our dr just kinda brushed it off. Our son didn’t have a 4 hour stretch at night until he 2.
We found out that our son has mild sleep apnea when he turned two. We had noticed that he was gasping awake from his naps so we did a sleep study. It’s gotten better as he grows. They told me about 1% of babies have large tonsils or adenoids that get in the way sometimes when they are sleeping. I bring it up not to scare you, because it’s rare and not dangerous when it’s mild. But for me it was a relief to know that it wasn’t my parenting choices, which helped me cope with the sleepless nights better. My pediatrician was blaming it on cosleeping and not doing CIO, which really didn’t help me or my mental state.
That being said there were a few things that did help. Night weaning was a big one. Not only did he wake up less, but also I wasn’t the only one getting up with him. My husband and I started doing shifts at night. He would take the first 4 hours and I would take the second 4 hours. I would wear ear plugs during my husbands shift. Getting those 4 hours straight made a huge difference.
The second thing that helped immensely was teaching our son to fall asleep on his own. This was a long and tedious process that took months. But in the end it meant that he would wake up at night and then be able to fall back asleep on his own. We did this by gradually reducing the amount of physical contact while he was falling asleep. Then increasing the distance between us and his bed. Again, this took months. But it involved very little crying and he now falls asleep alone in his bed in less than 10 minutes, when it used to sometimes take an hour of rocking and singing.
I hope some of this helped. I remember during some of those nights I felt like I was the only one with this problem and it would never end. But it does. And I am pretty sure there are more parents that go through this in scilence because they think their baby should be sleeping through the night. Sorry for the long comment. I hope you get some well deserved sleep soon!
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences Samantha…it really means a lot! I am so sorry that you have dealt with mild sleep apnea with your son…how scary! I will definitely keep that in mind for Monkey as time goes on. If he continues to have some sleep problems, we’ll look into it for sure.
Thanks so much for the suggestions. We, too, are not a CIO family, so it’s been tough. It’s hard too hearing stories from other parents of their kids who are (and have been) sleeping 10-11 hours at night! I’m happy for them, but it’s hard not to be jealous. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to go to bed knowing I won’t have wake up in just a couple short hours (or less).
We are definitely going to start (slowly) working on night weaning, and then also helping him to fall asleep on his own, so I loved hearing your story – really helped give me some confidence that it won’t be like this forever! Thanks again!
Hmm. My situation is pretty much the opposite of yours so let me describe it & see if anything is helpful. We have a daughter (born 9/19) and she is still breastfed. She slept in a bassinet at the foot of our bed in the beginning. She was swaddled and I let her tell me when she was hungry (I never woke her up). I would take her into the nursery (right next to our room), nurse her in my recliner, change diaper if needed, reswaddle & bring her back. This worked for about 3 weeks. But we have 2 nocturnal cats & my husband moves a lot in his sleep which was waking her up unnecessarily. So we wheeled the bassinet into her room w/the door open & the video monitor on.
At 6 weeks, she started scooting upward in the bassinet, snacking her head on the top part so one night I nursed her to sleep, put her down in her crib on a whim & she’s been there ever since. At 10 weeks she found her hands and immediately began to hate the swaddle so we stopped cold turkey.
At 3 months we were doing bedtime at 6 every night and she would sleep for 8-11 hours, wake to eat, then sleep for another couple hours. She did take a pacifier @ night and for naps.
At 6 months she weaned herself of the night feeding and we also took away her pacifier. At 7 months we started solids so I don’t think the two (STTN & food) are connected.
Now @ almost 10 months she ears dinner around 5:30, we start her nighttime routine at 6:30 & I nurse her last thing before she goes down at 7. Most days she wakes up @ 6, I feed her & she sleeps for another 90 minutes.
Sorry for the loooong comment! Hope something in it was helpful.
Aww your daughter is only 7 days older than Monkey! Thanks so much for sharing your experiences, Jessie. I really appreciate it. It’s good to hear from someone on the other end of the scale. I really think that Monkey’s dairy sensitivity made for some rough nights in the early months, which set him up to be a rough sleeper. We’re slowly getting there, and hearing your thoughts helps! May I ask how you weaned your daughter of the pacifier, and made you decide to do that? Our son still needs his for sleep time, and I’m wondering what it will be like when we decide to wean!
I think yo.ur idea to cut wean out night feedings is a solid one for increased length of sleep. I would also try putting him back to sleep in his own bed after night wakings since he seems to like it. As you work on cutting down night feedings you can rock to sleep and eventually just pat and shush him while he’s still in bed, encouraging him to gradually be able to fall back to sleep by himself. Hope you’re getting more sleep soon!
Thanks Nikki – as soon as Brian is done with the bar (next week!), we are going to really try to work on putting Monkey back down in his bed instead of ours after each feeding. That’s the first step, then I think we’ll really work on weaning the feedings. He does seem to like it, so hopefully it helps! Momma also sleeps better when there’s not a crazy Monkey…well…Monkey-ing around in bed! Thanks for your thoughts!
No suggestions but commiseration. Our story is pretty much equal to yours. She outgrew the co-sleeper, now sleeps in a pack and play next to our bed for a few hours and then co-sleeps with us/dreamfeeds the rest of the night. I can’t even count how often she’s up. She won’t take a bottle so it’s all my wife…it’s fairly awful, especially now at 7 months she is trying to crawl in her sleep. We are going to try switching to a crib in her room in 2 weeks after I take the bar exam.
I know the sleep situation can be such a frustrating and exhausting thing, but I really think that your LO will start sleeping longer stretches when he’s ready. It sounds like he’s waking because he’s hungry (based on what you’ve said about your husband rocking him back to sleep, but him waking soon after still looking for food) so I personally wouldn’t night wean. I know that “they” say babies of your LO’s age don’t “need” food overnight anymore, but honestly? I think they’re wrong. Every kid is different and even if they don’t physically need it to make it through the night why keep it from them if they’re actually hungry? IME they’ll start sleeping longer stretches when they’re ready and when they’re no longer hungry. Of course testing the waters to see how they do without a feeding doesn’t hurt, but if they’re waking shortly after getting back to sleep anyway that says to me that they need some food in their tummy! Anyway, that’s JMO based on my own experience, but it’s kind of hard to say what’s best for your situation as an outsider. You know what your LO needs best, trust your instinct!
Thanks Stephanie – it’s so good to hear someone who feels so strongly about trusting your gut like I do. I think we’re going to put the focus right now just on putting him back into his bed instead of ours after each night feeding. I have done this once or twice, and when I do – I tend to sleep much better (even in those short stretches). I tend to wake up with every slight movement Monkey makes, so without him in bed, I sleep better. I feel like this will be a good step to helping him sleep longer stretches. Hopefully he’ll end up skipping a feed all by himself when he’s ready! Thanks for your thoughts!
Oh, and to answer your question I definitely wouldn’t consider it unhealthy for your LO. For you? Probably, because you’re probably overtired from all the waking :)
Another thing I thought of – would it be possible to do like… preemptive dream feeds? I’m not sure how your LO would do with that, but what if you picked him up while he’s sleeping to let him nurse in order to fill his tummy without him waking up? I don’t even know if that’s possible with a LO that’s the age of yours, but I know I’ve heard people talking about doing it with smaller babies. Maybe a full tummy would encourage him to not wake on his usual schedule and he’d get used to the longer stretches?
Anyway, GL! I know how frustrating it can be! It will get better eventually!
Thanks – a good suggestion for sure. I’ll admit that some nights I’m so tired, that the thought of picking him up, feeding him, and then rocking him back to sleep (if he doesn’t easily fall back asleep) – is just too much, so I just go to sleep. But, maybe I should try it more often! He does wake up when I go to bed (since his crib is right next to ours, he hears when I come to bed) many times, so then I end up feeding him right then anyway. Definitely couldn’t hurt, though, to make this a regular occurrence!
Thanks for the support! I know it will get better too, just some nights it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel…I’m just…so…tired!
We cosleep and I am doubting this child will ever sleep in his crib
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